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Friday, January 27, 2006

People I Hate (24 Edition)

Edgar Stiles

CTU's calorically-challenged chimpanzee would have been fired from a real government position years ago. Of course, if he worked in Philadelphia, he would be mayor by now. At one moment, Edgar is tracking Islamo-fascist terrorists. The next moment, he is whimpering like a Dr. Phil guest about his multitude of personal, psychological, and pasta problems. Like Terrell Owens, Edgar is pretty talented when he is focused on his game. Unfortunately, like Terrell Owens, Edgar is a major head case. He is a true enigma: a mystery, wrapped inside a riddle, wrapped inside a Twinkie.

Audrey Raines

Jack Bauer's love interest from last season has got a terrific body, but as my friend Brian would say, "She's beat in the face." Combine that with her piss-poor disposition, and her catty attitude toward Diana (Jack's gal pal this season), and you have the makings of a first-rate bitch. Don't cry for Jack, Audrey-tina; you had your chance.

CTU Security

These flunkies are a prime example of how far one can get with a GED. On their watch the wife of a murdered agent shot and killed terrorist Stephen Saunders; Nina Meyers held Kim Bauer hostage inside a computer room; and an inept hit man murdered a clinic doctor and tried to kill Jack. These buffoons are about as aware of their surroundings as the stunned sheriff who led Oswald to Jack Ruby. And who designed the uniforms? Red shirts, do these people double as bartenders?

(Cross-posted on Support Your Local Gunfighter.)


Anonymous said...

I think I saw Jack throw his keys to one of the CTU security guards and told them to "park it close"

Dionne said...

Don't you mean Nina held Terri Bauer in the computer room or am I forgetting something?

George Berryman said...

Sometimes I get the impression that a lot of CTU's inept operatives are leftovers from the Clinton years.

Buckaroo Banzai said...

TM - " . . . and no dents!"

LMC - If I'm not mistaken, someone (I think Nina) held Kim captive in the computer server room as well (Season 3?). I think it was right before Jack killed Nina, because he sent Kim out of the room.

George - That's the best explanation I've heard so far.

Anonymous said...

Check out this site: Jack Bauer Torture Report

RFTR said...

Audrey is HFFFFH.

That's Hot From Far, Far From Hot to you ignoramuses.

Kim, on the other hand is just hot.

Also, has anyone noticed that every one of Wyatt's joke has seomthing to do with Philadelphia?

Dionne said...

Wyatt: I'll have to rewatch that :-).

George: Awesome!! Love that!

Buckaroo Banzai said...

RFTR - Hey, it's where I live. Gimme a break!

CGrim said...

I, for one, enjoy the Philadelphia jokes, especially regarding the mayor.

Chris of Dangerous Logic said...

I suspect that the red shirts are a shout-out to the disposable nature of the security guy who'd beam down with Kirk, Spock, and McCoy (I'd always heard them called 'Redshirt Riley', but Googling that turns up a very sparse results set).