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Sunday, May 07, 2006

Fly The Deadly Skies

Hi, I am national hero Jack Bauer. Are you tired of hapless shoe bombers ruining your in-flight movie? Are you a gun-toting, red-blooded American who packs a drop-piece for his drop-piece? Do you wish there was an airline that catered to the average law-abiding citizen? Well, at Jack Bauer Airlines, we can make your travel dreams come true!

Safety is the number one concern at JBA, and to prove it, we not only allow our passengers to carry firearms: we encourage it! Some people question this policy, but fear not: I have personally trained and certified every member of every JBA flight crew. My people are proficient in the deadly arts, and there is no tactical situation that they cannot overcome. I guarantee it. If one of my airliners is hijacked, downed, or threatened in any way, I will track down, torture, and kill the person or persons responsible. I will even film it for the entertainment of your survivors. No one is above my law; not even the President of the United States.

The JBA fleet consists of converted C-130 gunships, armed to the teeth with the most technologically advanced weaponry. In addition, a pair of F-4 Phantom fighters escorts the JBA fleet. Your flight will not be shot down, but if it is, we will take some people down with us. Our added defenses do not infringe on your creature comforts, however, because at JBA every seat is considered First Class. Leather seats abound, our meals are prepared by the finest chefs America has to offer - JBA refuses to do business with the French - and our drink carts are plentiful. Let me prove it to you. Call JBA today!

Jack Bauer Airlines: Fly the Deadly Skies.


Anonymous said...

What's the phone number?

Buckaroo Banzai said...

Big Mac - 1-800-FLY-JACK.

al said...

Do Phantoms even fly anymore? How about something truly cool - something Jack would love - the F-22 Raptor.

Phantasmak said...

Mitch Anderson should have a Raptor in season 4.

Anonymous said...

Tell me about your rewards program? How many miles do I have to fly in order to get a lap dance from Kim Bauer?