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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

B4B 'Fight Club': Lynn v. Charlie. Who Wins?

Lynn McGill: '24'
Age: mid-thirties
Nationality: American
Occupation: CTU Management
Death Count: 0 (Throwing Smeagle into Mount Doom doesn't count)
Strengths: Showed a lot of grit and obnoxiousness as Rudy. May have some residual benefits from the steroids in '50 First Dates.'
Weaknesses: "Barely competent and paranoid. There's a hell of a combination." -- Captain Kara "Starbuck" Thrace
Curious Detail: Heroin-addict sister stole his wallet and John McCain beat the crap out of him.

Charlie: 'Lost'
Age: early thirties
Nationality: Australian
Occupation: Musician
Death Count: 1
Strengths: Um... Um... Uh... Oh, he didn't shriek too much like a girl when Sayyid patched the cut on his forehead by filling it with gunpowder and setting it off.
Weaknesses: Aside from being addicted to heroin and having no physical or emotional strength whatsoever I can't think of any.
Curious Detail: Heroin-addict brother stole his piano and Locke beat the crap out of him.

And let's take a minute to recap the rules of 'B4B Fight Club'

1st RULE: You do not talk about B4B FIGHT CLUB.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about B4B FIGHT CLUB.

3rd RULE: If someone other than Jack Bauer says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over.

4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight unless one of the guys is Jack Bauer.

5th RULE: One fight at a time except for Jack Bauer.

6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes, except for Audrey and Locke.

7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to, but the climax should come at the beginning or end of an hour to hold the audience's attention.

8th RULE: If this is your time posting at B4B FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.


Anonymous said...

McGill will soon be a prison bitch on Fox's Prisonbreak.

In this fight...I say they both bitchslap each other, cry, and sit down to a bag of Doritos and watch Lifetime. So a Draw.

Justin said...

They'll both tap once the bell is rung and then go have some chamomile tea and talk about their feelings with Chloe aqnd Edgar

lawhawk said...

Hobbit v. Hobbit.

The very epitome of Fight Club.

I'd have to give the edge to Samwise, despite the fact that Charlie might become bizarro strong on a heroin induced drug withdrawal rage.

Of course, that's his greatest weakness, and Samwise would know to exploit that.

Buckaroo Banzai said...

Terrific Starbuck quote, too!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget Samwise was a Toy Soldier where he was actually a very clever, cunning young man. This may give him the edge.

Anonymous said...

just to be pedantic....charlie is British!

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to photoshop up a profile head-to-head shot of em. "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.... Hobbit showdown at the >insert your town here< Arena. LOL