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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

B4B Fight Club: Zombie Nightmare Edition

Tony: '24'
Age: thirty-something
Nationality: American
Occupation: Dead
Death Count: Himself
Strengths: Really, really good looking.
Weaknesses: Things that blow up, terrorists who hostagify his wife, oh... and guys who pretend to be dead so they can inject him with drugs. (Hmm, maybe he should have fought Charlie).
Curious Detail: Is now reunited with the woman he enjoyed carnal relations with, his wife

Boon: 'Lost'
Age: twenty-something
Nationality: American
Occupation: Dead
Death Count: Himself
Strengths: Can survive one plane crash, but not two.
Weaknesses: Whiny little bitch.
Curious Detail: Is now reunited with the woman he enjoyed carnal relations with, his sister

I know what you're thinking. No contest. Even suffering from bomb-related injuries, Tony could kick Boon's lily ass from one end of the island to the t'other. However, you fail to consider "Island Magic." The Island enabled Locke to walk again, got Sun pregnant, and brought Jack's father back from the dead in hallucinatory form. Who says that the island couldn't likewise enhance Boon's fighting strength? And was Tony really that tough? A real man would have let the terrorists cut his wife's eyeballs out.

My $.02... Tony would still kick Boon's lily ass, and both would spend a lot time screaming "Not the face! Not the face!" but it would not be as easy as it may look.


RFTR said...

The only thing that could save Boon would be Locke knifing Tony in the back while they fought...

kdeweb said...

Tony, if he were dead, would kick Boone's pansy arse all over that island. And who decided that Boone got home field advantage anyway? Is it sort of a handicap to help the scrawny little thing have any chance at all of remaining on his feet past the 2 second mark?

CGrim said...

Sun did not get pregnant from no hippy "Island Magic"... she got pregnant from sleeping with the English teacher/therapist/counselor guy.

Anonymous said...

Tony knew Krav Manga. Boone, sir, is no Krav Manga.

Krav Manga being a kick-arse fighting techniqe. That, and Tony's profile says he was once a marine.

It's not even close, people. No, Tony was no Jack, but Boone's not even Pat Boone much less a match for Tony.

Still can't believe they offed him.

lawhawk said...

Boone would be toast within 3 minutes under most circumstances, though Boone might have a fighting chance if there's a syringe filled with nasty goo and Boone plays dead only long enough to surprise Tony and show Tony just how far down the rabbit hole it really goes.

jwookie said...

Tony'd kick Boone's ass if you habbled him and tied both arms behind his back.

But that pic of him... he's looking a little fruity there...