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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Counterpoint: Nah, you're not. - by Death
I know what you're thinking: since I so rarely make public appearances, this must be when I step in and pardon you. You want me to tell you, "It's not your time." Well, my red-shirted CTU security guard, you are absolutely right.

BAWAHAHAHAHA! I'm yankin' ya. Man, that never gets old!

Much like Martin Blank, if I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there. In your case, you probably went to a school like Penn State and took this lame entry-level position, in hopes of moving up the corporate ladder. Unfortunately for you, the only thing moving up right now is your liquefied spleen.

Yeah, I know, you're gonna try and bargain for your life, and that's swell. The fact remains that CTU has Star Trek Disease: every red shirt usually becomes a corpse. That you know this now provides little comfort, but the signs were all there. Did you ever question why the security guards have such a high turnover rate? Did you ever ask why there were so many "day old" uniforms in the locker room? Did you ever wonder why people cried when you asked them about the guy you've replaced? The key to any good job interview is asking the right questions, buddy!

What? Um, yes, that would be your skin blistering. Boy, does that look painful.

And now you're on the fast train to the afterlife. Was clearing less than $400 a week worth it?

Point: I'm going to make it!


Anonymous said...

The yet to be disclosed back story of the Red Shirts is a year prior Logan made a deal with a Saudi security firm to turn over all security for all nuclear, chemical and intelligence assets inside the United States. The overwhelming majority of Red Shirts continue to be American. The firm did implement a new policy of hiring employees with IQ's only slightly higher than the mentally retarded. Since the previous employment policy was only to hire employees from Red States, this has not affected hiring that greatly and many previous employees have been retained.

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