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Saturday, February 11, 2006

B4B Fight Club: Jack Bauer vs. Vic Mackey

Name: Jack Bauer
Age: Late thirties
Nationality: American
Occupation: CTU Agent, Scourge of terrorists everywhere
Lifetime Death Count: A lot
Strengths: Killing, torture, origami
Weaknesses: Whiny women, heroin, Barry Manilow

Name: Vic Mackey
Age: Late thirties
Nationality: American
Occupation: Narcotics detective, scourge of IAD
Lifetime Death Count: A lot
Strengths: Killing, torture, aerodynamic skull
Weaknesses: Whiny team members, Salsa music

Yeah, I know what you're thinking; no contest, right? Think again. In my humble opinion, this would be the closest B4B Fight Club match in history. Gentlemen, start your ass-kicking!

(Hat Tip to Deathlok for the idea.)


lawhawk said...

The only way this is even close is if Mackey turns into the Thing.

And I'd still put one of Bauer's weaknesses down as Kim Bauer.

Brian said...

Why Kim? You mean because he wants to see her but can't?

Dionne said...

I hate to nit-pick but I don't think Kiefer is still in his late 30's. Or Vic for that matter.

hkeric said...

Because he has to protect his daughter.

Anonymous said...

Who would we pit Kim against?

I will go ahead and nix the idea of a Kim vs Cougar matchup.

lawhawk said...

Potential Celebrity Deathmatches for Kim Bauer:

1) Ana Lucia of Lost (she's a people person)
2) Sun of Lost (hidden talents abound, including speaking English)
3) Kate of Lost (Hot fugitive chick, who offed her dad, killed cohorts in crime, and has a dark side)
4) Rose from Titanic (don't underestimate the power of a big diamond, a big iceberg, and spite)
5) Max Guevera (Jessica Alba from Dark Angel) or
6) Veronica Mars (just wanna see that smirk wiped off her face...)

And Kim is a weakness because Jack's always bailing her out of tough situations - or causing bad situations to become worse.

Anonymous said...

You know the episode of The Shield, where Vic shoots the other cop in the cheek and kills him......yeah, Jack would've caught that bullet in his teeth and shot it back between Vic's eyes.

All of Jack Bauer's adversaries are dead....some just don't know it yet.

Brian said...

How about Kim vs. Eva Longoria?

al said...

As tough as Mackey is - Jack wins. Even if the whole Strike Team shows up.

As for Kim - Ana Lucia of Lost wouldn't be a fair fight. Kim would be toast in seconds. Same with Max (Dark Angel) or Kate (Lost). Kim's best chance would be against Verionca Mars bust she'd still lose.

RFTR said...

Stick with Lost, V the K... let others take up the non-Lost mantle.

NDwalters said...

Kim could kick some butt, assuming she's not getting into more trouble than Penny and Brain do on Inspector Gadget. Sorry, Kim, is the perpetual victim, the kid, bait. My God what lovely bait she was in Season 1. Unfrickin believable she was 15 when she started that show. Hooooooowl!

MJ06 said...

Thank God finally Jack Bauer and Vic Mackey now instead of having them fight each other have Vic Makie and Shane Vandrell back up Jack Bauer you would be some serious ass kicking it would also be amazingly sweat and a 24 and Sheild fan like my self would eat it all up.