Carnival of Bauer

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Thursday, February 02, 2006


A few days ago, a misguided reject from the lamest decade ever moaned that Jack Bauer and the powers-that-be in the United States government were guilty of a laundry list of offenses, including the violation of people's civil rights. Well, my hemp-smoking friend, I am here to say that Jack Bauer and the U.S. government do not violate their civil rights enough!

On Monday, Jack Bauer beat the ugly off Walt Cummings, and threatened to pop his eye like a champagne cork, in full view of the President. Like our long-haired commentator, I have a real problem with this, because I think Jack should have followed through with his threat. Maybe it was the embarrassing phone call he received from uber-annoyance Audrey Raines, or maybe Jack is losing his nerve; either way, Bauer should have turned Cummings into his own personal voodoo doll.

And while we are at it, Jack should have bitch-slapped President Logan as well; just to show him who is really in charge.

I am also getting sick and tired of Division sending limp-wristed (read: Democrat) bureaucrats to CTU Los Angeles with the intention of overseeing field agents' progress. Put me in charge, and I will let field agents have carte blanche in the area of information-gathering. You want to choke a man unconscious to get a lead? Fabulous! You need to shoot and kill a few witnesses? No problemo! As long as it gets results.

Whether the pot-reeking hippie realizes it or not, we are living in a Post-9/11 world. It is time to use Post-9/11 methods.

Shine on, you crazy diamond!

I Think Jack Bauer Is Far Out, man


Anonymous said...

Well, my hemp-smoking friend, I am here to say that Jack Bauer and the U.S. government do not violate their civil rights enough!


RFTR said...

Hey, that guy in the counterpoint looks familiar... is that... yeah, I think it is... isn't that the Secretary of Defense's son/Audrey's brother?

By the way, Secretary Heller was such a bad-ass. How is it that he raised a whining, snivelling brat on the one hand and a pansy-ass hippie on the other?

It messes up my entire worldview, which hinges on two maxims:
1)Stupid is forever.
2)Stupid people are breeding.

If stupid people are being bred by not-stupid people, then we're heading towards a generational catastrophe of epic proportions.

"But you tell me over and over and over again my friend
Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction...

Dionne said...

I totally agree. And Secretary Heller was a bad-ass--I loved his character but both of his kids are stupid. Ugh....

Linked to Blogs 4 Bauer today. I said I'm addicted to 24 and to Blogs 4 Bauer :-).