Carnival of Bauer

Blog Archive

Add to Google

24 Fanatic


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Quintessential 24 Kit.

Hey folks! It's jimmyb here with the official CUG approved 24 viewers accessories kit, from Ronco! This here has all the stuff you'll need to have a quality 24 experience. Yee-haw!
(Click on pictures for a better view of them.)

Starting at the left we have hydration staples, beginning with a bottle of Shiner 96, a nice Marzen style beer. Next to it is a backup Bud. Then, as a backup to the backup, a high-powered cheap beer, for after you're beyond the caring-about-taste point. Always have a backup for safety.
Heh. Watching Jack torture terrorists and traitors works me up a powerful thirst!
(I like beer.)

Additionally, there is a bottle of Merlot, not so much as a backup, but just in case one would want to eat red meat while watching the Jack obliterate terrorists with his cell phone. As an added bonus, this also is a good way to aggravate PETArds. Jack would punch a PETArd in the face, I'm pretty sure.
(I like wine and red meat.)

Below the liquid stress relief kit, we have the remote controls (which need to be heavily guarded) for the A/V stuff, and a bullet-proof vest, just in case Chloe starts indiscriminately spraying automatic weapons fire.
(I like A/V stuff. Chloe is cool, too.)

Moving back to the top, we have a long range Savage .308 with a stainless, fluted barrel, to snipe terrorists and commies that may try to attack your house, or Amurica.
Stoopid Russian-break-away-state terrorists. They're all over the place!!!
Below the Savage, is a backup/close(r) range/entry rifle. It gets a top grade of AR-15 +!
Remember kids, always have a backup (or 3).
(I like long range and entry rifles.)

Of course, there is also fuel for the body as well. Pictured here is some of that aforementioned cooked animal flesh from a murdered steer, which is combined in nice compact, portable package called a "hamburger" (for some Germanic reason).
This is commonly called knuckle-dragging-ignoramus food in Kalifornia hippy-lib circles.
Jack Bauer kills animals and eats them on a regular basis. He laughs when he does it.

And of course, no show would be complete without popcorn!! Yay!
(I like chow!)

Coming next to the sidearms, the primary choice here is a scoped Colt .45 ACP.
For a backup, the classic 686 Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum in stainless is a handy little number. The backup to the backup is a Berretta A21 in .22 LR.
I would let Jack Bauer borrow a backup, since he seems to only have one gun, that he must give up (for a little while) to terrorists holding hostages.
(I like side-arms!)

If you don't have a backup to the backup to the backup, you likely live on the coast or in Canada.
Sorry about that.
Also note, weapons power is commensurate with the danger different threats pose to our country.

For example:
Small weapons = for wiping out terrorists (somewhat dangerous).

Medium weapons = for toasting hippies, marxists, and dirty-commie college professors (mucho dangerous).

Big weapons = for totally smiting rabidly leftwing Dems, Hollywood hate-filled whiners, and rich communist asshats like Moore and Soros. (Super-hyper-OMG dangerous!!! Run! The end of the country will come at their hate-filled, bloody, hypocritical hands!!! AAAAAHHHGGGGG!!!!!!).

Also, due to the increased danger of an influx of liberals from Canada moving to the now more (relatively speaking) liberal US, thanks to the Conservative win up there, the Canukismiter is on full alert at a DefCon 2 level! (Of course, Jack Bauer loves dogs. Especially ones that bite hippies.)

Evil-doers take note:
If Jack doesn't get you, the Conservative UAW Hound will!
Traitors beware....

Disclaimer: Some of you may have noticed that some of the items in the first picture of this post should never be mixed.

You are correct.
Never mix firearms and popcorn; as an unpopped corn kernal could jam the action, rendering the firearm temporarily inoperable.
Lubricate the action with beer if it is an emergency.
Just make sure to clean it immediatly after smiting.
This has been a public service message from the Conservative UAW Guy and Blogs 4 Bauer.
Bonus points if you know where the "I like..." bit comes from.
Cross-posted on Blogs 4 Bauer.

Copyright CUG/Halichimpy/BloodforOil Industries, 2006 on up.


Anonymous said...

How ironic is it that Jack Bauer is from Canada?

al said...

Merlot? Yuck. Pinot Noir has better flavor (and doesn't give me a headache)

The AR is a decent choice. I'd rather have a suppressed MP5 in .45 for entry. The AR is kinda long (and loud) for indoor use.
For sniping - gotta be a M1
For the .45 maybe a ParaOrdance P14 or Springfield Armory XD 45.

CGrim said...

no way - Pinot Noir is too trendy, especially after that Sideways movie. Merlot is tasty, also Cabernet Sauvignon.

a suppressed MP5 (full auto) would be great but a suppressed M4 Carbine is truly the hand of God. handguns - you only have two hands, and I'd avoid revolvers. my personal prefs: Sig Sauer P226 and the H&K USP .45 tac. And because a shotty always comes in handy, I'd recommend the Mossberg 590

Anonymous said...

As a Texan, I'm pleased with the Shiner selection, but how about some Danish Carlsberg beer?

Dionne said...

I just think you're funny and crazy.

al said...

I was a Pinot Noir fan years before that crappy movie. The Cabernet would be ok as well.

The M4 with a Surefire supressor would be ok. I think the .223 is way to loud for indoor use.

The Mossberg is a nice shotgun. I'd prefer the Benelli M4 myself.

With Surefire Combat lights of course. :-)