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Sunday, February 26, 2006

Where the Hell is Kim?

Where the Hell is Kim?

Question: Will Kim be back this Monday night?

Answer: Heck, I don't know; why are you asking me? I'm just a working-class schmo.

However, after some deep, thoughtful analysis, I have indeed come up with the

"Top Reasons Kim Isn't Back On 24 Yet":

1. She's been kidnapped by a band of cougars with anti-American sentiments (which is almost as believable as caucasian Russian break-away-state bandits attacking the US.

2. She's busy studying books to find where Russian break-away states are located on the map.

3. She's still not dry from the Girl Next Door movie.

4. Because the people at Fox are stupid.

5. Because the reason she was gone in the first place was stupid.

6. Because she's stupid.

7. She's hangin' with her mom.

8. She's back in Kevin Dillon's bomb shelter because guys with guns and bomb shelters rock.
(Note to self: Start digging bomb shelter this weekend...)

9. Because Michelle is cute enough to compensate...
9. Because Chloe is cute enough to compensate for Kim's absence.
(Note to self: Don't solicit list items from people holding bongs...)

10. They're bringing the Alias chick on instead!

Hopefully, we'll find out Monday the disposition of our favorite damsel in distress.
Now bring her back, dammit!!!


The Conservative UAW Guy said...


And I'm not just saying that because I wrote it, either.

Oh, wait.

Yes I am!!!

RFTR said...

I have it on good authority that this is the week...

Dionne said...

Tell us how you really feel, don't sugarcoat anything on our account!

RFTR said...

Oh, and by the way, you might find it interesting to know that "wherefore" means "why."

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Stoopid Shakespear!

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Noted and fixed.
I guess that makes it only the 2nd best post ever! ;)

Thanks for the enlightenment. :)

Anonymous said...

Did you miss the first season, Jimmy? Kim's mom is dead.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Prof, I know.
It was an admittedly poor joke.

Anonymous said...

Kim can always hang out with Nina Myers.

Anonymous said...

I've got the sneaking suspicion that by the end of the season, Kim will indeed be "hangin' with her mom" (and the similarly-deceased Nina as well). Why? Because all the preseason buzz had Jack paying a "high personal price" and facing previously unimaginable "personal tragedies"...and Elisha Cuthbert was only signed up for - depending on your source - anywhere from two to four episodes this season. ("24" producer Joel Surnow told Laura Ingraham on Ingraham's radio show that she would appear in two episodes; TV Guide and Entertainment Weekly, among others, claim four.) And, let's be honest, the scriptwriters never really knew what to do with our favorite distressed damsel, anyway.

So, just in case, we'd better get those condolence cards ready...

...The good news, on the other hand, is that Bombtruck (in the last "Kim" discussion thread) was wrong about Elisha's missing bosom. Judging from the first of your two glamour shots accompanying this post, it's still there...

--LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

lawhawk said...

Only if they could get Sydney Bristow would 24 be complete. Well, that and Jack. Given that Alias is probably done after this season, the Bristow clan would be in search of new jobs protecting the country from sinister plots, fighting spies and terrorists in high heels (Garner), and using screwdrivers only occasionally for their intended purposes (Garber).

al said...

And if the Bristols can't join 24 - how about a Kim vs Sydney Fight Club?

Anonymous said...

Wait, is Kim in the bunker with the Alias chick? What's going on again?

No, LC, I knew her bosom was still there, it's just that the original pic didn't do the Cuthbert's justice.

Anonymous said...

Ok, Jack and Sydney Bristow joining Jack & Kim Bauer on 24!?! That. Would. Be. Incredible.

MJ06 said...

Come on guys isnt Audry hot enough?