Carnival of Bauer

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Point: It's time to give credit where credit is due.

Point: It's time to give credit where credit is due.
by Jack Bauer's manpurse

So where are we at? Oh, right. Stop me if you have heard this before...Jack Bauer is chasing an enemy with plans on wrecking LA, there are moles, explosions, and some yelling. In the end Jack Bauer will get all the glory, while everyone around him is an emotional wreck. Well I have had enough of Jack's adoration hogging. Without me, where would Jack be? You know, even a fan page like Bauer's Treo 650 cell phone has would be nice. It's time to give credit where credit is due.

With all due respect to "Frank Flynn", I did not sign on to be a personal unisex messenger bag for a blood-thirsty CTU agent, hell-bent on taking down a sitting president. No, I thought I might be used to carry Frank's tools to and from the oil rigs. Sure, not many of the other rig operators carried unisex bags, apparently not many of the other operators were former Delta Force goons who chose to go into hiding after faking their own death.

That is how I became Jack Bauer's personal unisex messenger bag. Without me, Jack Bauer's day would have been over before Palmer hit the floor. Ever since, Jack and I have been like Optimus Prime and his trailer. But, unlike Optimus Prime's trailer (who disappeared when the shooting started) - I have been there for Jack from start to finish. Unfortunately, Jack Bauer and Optimus Prime have a nasty habit of taking all the credit. Well no longer will Jack's aviators, his cell phone, and yes - his manpurse be passed over. We demand that Jack Bauer and the world acknowledge our contributions.

I've held Jack Bauer's gun, recording device, knives, Behrooz's pinkie, eavesdropping gear, black tar heroin, a pair of Chole's panties, and leatherman tool for the last time if things do not change. The next time Jack reaches into my main zippered compartment - he may find a big lump of disappointment.

Maybe Bauer's aviators and I will even find a more grateful owner on

Counterpoint: That man-purse makes you look like a sissy.
by Mr. Blackwell

Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point - Jack Bauer's Threats Will Not Stop Iran's Nuclear Plans. by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Counterpoint - Keep It Up And We'll Give You Nuclear Weapons ASAP - Courtesy Of The B-2 Bomber. by Donald Rumsfeld

Point - Dude, I Wouldn't Hit That, Again. by Spenser Wolff
Counterpoint - A Guy Who Is Hung Like A Chinese Church-mouse Shouldn't Run His Pie-hole So Much. by Chloe O'Brian

Point - Don't Hold Your Breath; Heller's Dead. by Ted Kennedy
Counterpoint - Anything Is Possible. by Mary Jo Kopechne

Point - I'm Going to Kill Jack Bauer! by Christopher Henderson
Counterpoint - Henderson, You're As Good As Dead! by The Grim Reaper

Point- Jack Bauer Cannot Help Recover Your Money, Mr. Rakotozafy (I can) - by Nina Myers
Counterpoint- Everything Nina Myers says is bullsh*t. - by Jack Bauer

Point- Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - by Dr. Phil (on loan from - Audrey, stand by your man! - by Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Point - Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic - by Jack Bauer
Counterpoint - Thin Mints Are Only The Beginning - by Vladimir Bierko

Point - I'm going to make it! by Random Guard
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!


Tyler said...

My local radio station today has a 24 trivia thing going. Prizes for the day were a pair of Binoculars with a built in camera and a Jack Bauer Man purse.

I am not kidding.

Anonymous said...

Did you win?

Tyler said...

I wasn't near a rado at 2:00.

Anonymous said...

When is Jack's gun going to get to make a point? When it speaks, EVERYONE needs to listen.

Jon-Michael said...

Let's get this straight about Jack's Man Purse;
it's not a purse, it's European!

Anonymous said...

I just call it a "Jack Sack"

TheJackSack said...

It is indeed properly regarded as The Jack Sack, and if you guys are curious, you can read up more on him at Carry on!